How do you even start this? I've started typing and have had to delete what I've written about four times now - as my little brother would say "i struggle".
there is a different world than the world i am in - right now some smooth operator is crooning about love, i'm enjoying free wifi with a overpriced, overroasted cup of coffee thinking sitting by the door has made me a little too chilly. Seriously, what is wrong with me? This is insane, this american mentality. so, really, there is a different world. there is a world that my heart breaks for. Yesterday, I listened or watched live feed of CNN India for hours, just sick.
The problem with being so american is that there is a part of me that i detest that is mad about all of this because i feel somehow entitled to this trip. i want to go to india. i want to have this experience, feel like it's my last chance to be myself before it is gone, swallowed or lost. of course this makes no sense and totally makes me into a monster - and actually that i can't even blame on being american. this is a teeny, tiny part of me - a part that came out right away when i heard the news, right before i started to pray for the people that were, are and will be still affected by this. so, now you know how ugly this can get.
there is a neat different part too - the part that watches coverage of disasters with sadness and pity but a disconnect nonetheless. this part was missing the last few days. i somehow feel this huge bond with the people of mumbai, the people of india. i am angry about this attack, i take it personally as someone who has attacked people i care about, people i love.
(this was all written on saturday - it's now monday and i realized i forgot to post it - i think i wanted to add a little more... i'll write more tonight hopefully, my thought process and some other things have changed my initial reactions)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment